my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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