there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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