Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
