i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
