chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
