he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall