I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?