Texts From Last Night

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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!

  (301): View more from Maryland

  OMG! Ew.

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Lucky Dad.

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  (240): I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one! (301): OMG! Ew. (240): Lucky Dad. http://tfl.nu/dv3r
  Replies (29) Good night (773) Bad night (2844)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.

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  (518): What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store. http://tfl.nu/xk1d
  Replies (2) Good night (2384) Bad night (640)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!

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  (972): they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE! http://tfl.nu/deur
  Replies (141) Good night (20033) Bad night (2500)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical

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  (973): Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical http://tfl.nu/uh4w
  Replies (141) Good night (4335) Bad night (2264)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?

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  (585): just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom? http://tfl.nu/qttt
  Replies (56) Good night (1243) Bad night (4220)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.

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  (330): just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people. http://tfl.nu/iaht
  Replies (12) Good night (13606) Bad night (1337)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.

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  (740): Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed. http://tfl.nu/6s1t
  Replies (5) Good night (2460) Bad night (1029)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included

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  (515): You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included http://tfl.nu/xxv8
  Replies (4) Good night (4279) Bad night (784)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out

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  (306): We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out http://tfl.nu/zt8v
  Replies (3) Good night (1740) Bad night (493)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again

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  (720): I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again http://tfl.nu/uboi
  Replies (5) Good night (1277) Bad night (992)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.

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  (717): I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass. http://tfl.nu/cjg7
  Replies (8) Good night (737) Bad night (940)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.

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  (219): Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel. http://tfl.nu/qebb
  Replies (8) Good night (2265) Bad night (625)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.

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  (301): A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it. http://tfl.nu/f0y3
  Replies (3) Good night (699) Bad night (288)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?

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  (859): Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut? http://tfl.nu/nfyo
  Replies (13) Good night (742) Bad night (398)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore

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  (715): I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore http://tfl.nu/hhtw
  Replies (3) Good night (339) Bad night (484)

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