the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Did I show you my penis last night?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
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Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.