it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
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I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
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A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.