Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
