I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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