I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
