Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
