You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
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