I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
