I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
