so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
