I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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