i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
