Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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