hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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