That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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