Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
