I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
