hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
