this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
