I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
