i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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