So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
