After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
