wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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