I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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