My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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