Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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