i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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