It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
