So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
