I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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