Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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