so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just invented taco cereal.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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