i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
