I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I would fuck him just for his dog
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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