I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
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