Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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