Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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