No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
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