we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
