last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
