Who wears a wallet chain?!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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