I can text with my tongue
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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