Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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