During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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