Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
