I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
