"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
