Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
