We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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