I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
