why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
