dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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