You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
