he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
