I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
