That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
