i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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