Only a mothe r could love this liver
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
