Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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