If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
