you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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