Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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