So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
