3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
