is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
