lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
