I accidentally had phone sex last night
it wasn't lemon gatorade
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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