The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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