Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
how drunk are you?
Several
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
