Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
