There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
