if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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