the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
