well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
