Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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