TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
