were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
